We often hear that we should change or rethink aspects of ourselves, often after criticism, discomfort or even epiphanic events. However, we rarely know HOW we should act and react to such situations to transform ourselves with excellence.
This article is based on reports from the book “Guide to a Happy and Prosperous Life” by the Henrique Amaral Institute, specifically the chapter “Courage to Change, Transforming Realities”, and the book “Stories of Alice: The Reflection of Wisdom”. Both works help theoretical and practical understanding in the process of personal transformation and psychological development.
The theory of change, highlighted in the “Guide” by the Henrique Amaral Institute, is made up of four parts: 1. Recognition, 2. Re-signification, 3. Projection, and 4. Constant choice. All parts provide direction for those who want to change but don’t know how to begin. This step-by-step process is different for each situation and person, but its essence is the starting point for a human psychological transformation.
1. The recognition
The first sign that something needs to change is a feeling of discomfort. Discomfort can manifest itself through physical, mental and sensory reactions. Similar to psychosomatic symptoms, discomfort can generate anxiety and appear on the body as pimples, for example. Discomfort can also be the feeling of something out of place or incomplete, which we often don't know what it is, but at least we know that there is attention being paid.
The chapter “Courage to change by transforming realities” says that it is necessary to “Identify the time when change is necessary…” based on discomfort and take advantage of epiphanic moments as triggers for transformation:
“Epiphanic moments that instigate internal transformations…” These moments of clarity (insights, pains, unexpected events) are calls for awakening and should be taken seriously.
2. Resignification
After identifying what is generating a feeling that is incompatible with the ideal, it is necessary to have the courage to let go of the past that is holding you back from that feeling, and this requires leaving your comfort zone. This step involves letting go of what no longer serves you, even if it is comfortable. This requires deconstructing attachments and accepting the unknown. This process can be the most turbulent phase because we have to be determined to dive into the unknown to “…let go of the materiality that holds you back…” and leave our perceived comfort zone. It is necessary to “…rewrite these internal stories…” that are holding us back from the past to make room for what comes in the future. This is where the deepest emotional and psychological work lies: understanding the reasons for the past so as not to live trapped in it.
3. The Projection
By letting go of what holds you back, space opens up for what you really want. The question is: what do you want? This question is often difficult to answer, so defining a clear purpose is necessary to move forward: “…by having a clear and defined purpose, any obstacle that seemed like a lion becomes a kitten…”
Change needs direction. Having a strong “why” gives meaning to the process and sustains the path even in difficult times. In essence, we must delve into self-knowledge, which is the “cornerstone…”. Knowing yourself is the basis for lasting change. The more you understand yourself, the more you can act coherently and freely and discover what you want to fill the space that is now available.
4. The constant Choice
To achieve new results, we need to choose and adopt an active stance towards life. In this step, we must take our ideas off the paper and face the tortuous areas of the mind with action. Acting consistently, even in “small daily steps”, generates great results. Transformation does not come with a big leap, but with conscious decisions repeated with intention. Situations will come to remind you of how the past was and challenge new thoughts. These tests will be overcome if you constantly choose purpose and change.
The book “Alice’s Stories: The Reflection of Wisdom” highlights situations that generate feelings of discomfort and frustration that need to be reinterpreted for inner transformation. As seen in the book, this process does not depend on other people and their thoughts; it is a completely unique and personal journey. Some situations that generate anguish, especially in teenagers, follow this pattern:
- Feeling out of place in a new environment
- Recognition: Perceiving oneself as “too different”, “too intense”, “too strange”. In a new environment, where social and cultural codes are different, discomfort sets in:
“…I was in free fall into an endless well… that’s not a teenage exaggeration, that’s exactly how I was feeling.”
And then the mind begins to question, “Am I the problem?”
- Re-signification: The urge to mold oneself, to silence one’s inner voice to fit in where there is clearly no room for one’s authenticity: “I started to mold myself to fit in… ceasing to be who I really was.” But soon the silent pain of being surrounded by people and still feeling invisible arises. It is necessary to break with the illusion of automatic belonging, and abandon the need for acceptance at any cost.
- Projection: Loneliness, despite being painful, reveals a fertile space: emptiness invites you to listen to yourself more truthfully. The desire to preserve your essence and find an honest way to connect with the world arises, but not to be included, but to be whole. In the book, the character projected a strong and unique woman into her life. She made room to process her emotions without judging them. Instead of hiding the pain, you transform it into conscious movement.
- Choice: Here you choose to understand that being an outlier is not a defect, but a rare strength. The choice to learn to balance respect for others with loyalty to yourself changes perspectives and brings peace. The choice of self-knowledge makes us discover that being outside the curve is, often, the starting point for charting your own path. “We had to move away so that I could know what loneliness is and be able to have the necessary maturity…”: the rain is what feeds the flowers so they can grow.
- Love relationship as an escape
- Recognition: “…in order to fit in… I chose to have someone to date so I could kind of hide behind that person.” We often use other people as a point of comfort and forget that we are camouflaging ourselves in the idea we have created of the relationship. Recognizing and accepting this in a relationship can be painful because so many memories are created, those that comfort us. However, there comes a time when the most comfortable couch starts to hurt our backs if we don’t get up.
- Reframing: Letting go of the illusion that the relationship would bring external validation. We condition our well-being on the presence of another person and the process of letting go requires a lot of courage and strength. Understanding that we are the owners of our perceptions helps us to let go of the illusion and open our eyes to reality.
- Projection: “…the only person who truly knows us is ourselves.” The moment we pay attention to our inner self and its desires, we enter the process of self-knowledge. When we know ourselves, it becomes much easier to project what we really want.
- Choice: The choice to accept that there is an end to what seemed like an incredible thing is the final step. Choosing every day brings amazing results. “…it was only through this whole journey that I was able to get here, and enjoy another moment of glory.”
In conclusion, applying theory to practice makes the journey of change smoother. Regardless of the situation, we can identify these steps to answer the question that never stops us: “How am I going to do this?” Well, here is the practical answer, but the real answer lies within each of us, we just need to want to see it. Courage is the key to success.
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